Oops...!

So I totally plum forgot that I'm supposed to be on campus right now for a meeting. I HAVE THIS EVERY WEDNESDAY WHY DID I FORGET? I don't really know, but oops! Oh well! not much I can do about it now. Might as well make the most of it, eh? :p

Reyna, you lovely thing CURSE YOU for you baby posts!! Now I'm going through baby-wants as well. >:

Which doesn't go well with my other, dangerous, impulsive desire to kiss. Yeah. I better watch myself closely for the next few days...

Oh, also started a group blog wit ha few friends-- we cook Japanese food and post the recipes in English, so if you're interested in trying some delicious, new foods, head on over to Gaijin Making Washoku (which translates roughly to Foreigners Making Japanese Food.

As a side note, I don't believe in kissing unless I really mean it. I've only kissed one boy in my entire life, and looking back at it now, I think it was more out of curiosity as to what kissing really WAS than care and adore-ment for the other person. That brought about a disaster. A long-time-coming disaster, but I haven't fully recovered from it yet, and that was closer to a year ago than not, now.

Unfortunately, most of the times I get this kissing-desires, it's been for the selfish desire of wanting to be held, cared for, needed. I don't know what it's like to be truly in love with another person; to genuinely care for their own person more than my own, with romance involved. I feel like I love many of my friends in that way-- but without the romance. Without attraction and desire for something more than laughing and hugging together.

I wonder how I'll ever learn to balance the two together.

Growing in real love is such a complicated, dizzying, time-consuming process. I wonder how anyone can get it down with all the other demands of life. School, work, family, friends, hobbies, church... I feel like even if I devoted my entire existence to searching for and developing love, the statistical chances that I would love someone who would love me back seem very small... and the odds that us two as a couple would move on to marriage seem even smaller!

It's an interesting thing to think about. I have a lot to change before I am ready to be cherished by someone. I have a lot to forget before I am ready to trust someone with my heart again.

A wise man once said that to find real love, you must focus on loving someone else, not on finding love for yourself.

And that, my friends, is why my current desire for kissing is so dangerous.