Communication

So I'm taking a marriage prep class (yeah, shh) and it's been a really great class so far. Really, it's more of a self-improvement class than a "GET MARRIED RITE NAO" type of deal (which is good; if it was like the latter I would withdraw haha) But yeah, it's a really good class that teaches how to improve yourself and how to have better relations with people around you. I'm learning a lot about how much I have to improve in myself.

We've been talking about communication lately. There are a lot of things about myself that I've wanted to change for years. But I never seem to really be able to make any lasting changes. One of these things I want to work on is to say only nice things. I tend to joke around a lot, be sarcastic, etc... but I really want to say only kind words. Even in jest, sometimes jokes at the expese of others can be hurtful. I want people to think "Oh, she's always so kind; she never says anything mean" when people speak of me.

I want to listen more. I want to let people finish their sentences, really pay attention to the words they say, try to understand, and then give them understand, encouragement... whatever it is they need.

I want to be more trust-worthy. To keep secrets. To be filled with love.

This will probably sound really weird at first, but just go with me on it. I hope to someday be consumed by love. Not in a self-fulfilling way, but more literal. I want to be food for love; I want to sacrifice myself to perpetuate the feeling in others. Literally like food, I want to be the source of energy and nourishment for love. I want to dedicate my entire being to giving it away.

I have a long way to go. I'm too selfish and naive at this time in my life. But the great thing about life... is that I have the chance to change myself into something better.

New goals: Listen, love with everything, put aside fear, serve.